Loves of My Life

Bobka in the Long-time Sunshine

It was one year ago today that I had to say an excruciating goodbye to my beloved Bobka, the soulmate and love of my life who prepared me for the other love of my life, Victor. He’s the only reason I’m able to bear this loss, which still stops me in my tracks on a regular basis. Maybe someday it will hurt less, but for now, I still ache for him.

My sweet boy, I miss your fuzzy face and that scrumptious kitty belly! You are still loved more than I can possibly express. I’ve loved you for a thousand years. I’ll love you for a thousand more.

Until we meet again…

Recently, we had our friend Harriet over for dinner, and she brought her friend, Penny. During the conversation, she commented on Bobka’s photo, and I told her that last August, we had lost Bobka, the love of my life. She gasped audibly, “But…?” and pointed at Victor. Before I could explain, he leaned forward and assured her, “It’s okay, I know, I’m a very close second.” The fact that he understands this is one of the many reasons I love him so much.

Bobka was the longest relationship I’ve had with anyone on this planet except for my blood relatives. And he was the closest. A previous cat, Jolson – possibly a prior incarnation – was very close also, but was only around for 3 years. So, from the time I fell in love with Bobka, I feared the day I would lose him. There were a few close calls, but thankfully, we managed to prevail and he stayed with me for a good 17 years. And they were, in fact, a GOOD 17 years. The best of my life, due mostly to his presence.

When Victor and I met, Bobka must have been about 5 or 6, I think? He saw how much Bobka meant to me, and knew immediately the way to my heart. On the first visit to my place, Victor sat down on the floor to pet Bobka, who checked him out, purred and accepted him right away.

However, after we started to see each other, and things were getting a bit more solid, Victor came into the living room where I was seated, with Bobka curled up next to me. Before I realized what was going on, he scooped Bobka up and set him unceremoniously on the floor. I asked him what he thought he was doing, and he just shrugged and said he wanted to sit there next to me, and that he was the master and Bobka was the cat, and he got to choose where he sat. And I think he may have added that he didn’t think cats belonged on the furniture. I now know that Victor had never before had a companion animal who lived in the house as a part of the family – unthinkable to me! Knowing that now explains his position in that moment. But certainly wouldn’t make it acceptable to me, then or now.

In any case, I said, “I don’t think so. Bobka lives here, and he gets to be where he wants. He was here way before you, both on the sofa and in my life. And he may be here after you. So he comes first.” Victor was incensed. He put on his shoes and headed for the door. Luckily for all of us, he eventually calmed down, and much later still, came to understand at a very deep level how much Bobka meant to me, as evidenced by his response to Penny.

At some point in the time that preceded Victor, I had decided that I could be single for the rest of my life, as long as I had Bobka. He allowed me to love him deeply and passionately, and I decided that he was a great boyfriend. OK, so there were a few things I didn’t have from that relationship that I might be able to get from a human, but honestly… how much sex and conversation do most typical men provide anyway? At that point in my life, I hadn’t experienced enough of either to convince me that a guy was all that necessary to my happiness. So whenever anyone would ask me if I was seeing anyone, I replied that I had my boyfriend Bobka, and that if ever a man looked at me the way he did, then I’d consider it. Until then, I thought I was just fine. And eventually, I did find someone who looked at me that way, and definitely didn’t fall into the typical man category, providing plenty of both of the aforementioned. And he even understood my relationship with my boyfriend Bobka, and came to appreciate and support it. Eventually.

The two loves of my life

It’s both fortunate and unfortunate that Bobka did not outlast Victor; I wish I could have them both for the rest of my days on this planet. But I’m fortunate to have had them both in my life, both separately and together. I have a great, fulfilling and supportive relationship with Victor, and great memories of a long and fulfilling connection with Bobka. So now, I guess I’m just on the lookout for a cat who’ll look at me the way Victor does. I’m certain if and when I do, it will be Bobka, come back to me to resume his rightful place on the sofa. Until then… Victor gets to claim that spot.